But I Know Her!

Alright everyone, surprise surprise, but I gave it again today and it was the same old story. Empty house, and while I have things to do…procrastination is a bitch.

Anyways, a while back I discovered that I actually know a porn star; granted, she was came over to my house with her friend and told me she was a porn star, but I didn’t believe it until I saw a video of her a few months back. Anyways, on the random YouTube-esque porn site that I like, a new video featuring her was at the top of the list. I thought, “well I’ll just take a look at it”. It’s really weird man…I mean my friend has slept with her.

The fact that I know the girl doesn’t give me any excuse for looking at it, but I will admit that it played into my decision to click the mouse button. Sometimes I feel that the porn isn’t really that big of a problem for me; in my past, it once was and now it’s down to a pretty tolerable level most of the time. But I’m trying to control and limit it to my will. I don’t think I’ll go the route of monitoring software…I just need to be strong.

Start the clock back to zero, it’s time to start once again…I’m hoping for the last time.

Difference Between Pornography and Prostitution

This post really comes from something that I thought about a couple of years back, and is an idea that came to the forefront of my mind when a friend of mine told me about how he made a special extra trip to go back to Amsterdam to get a prostitute.

What is the difference between pornography and prostition.

Prostitution, as defined by Dictionary.com is: “the act or practice of engaging in sexual intercourse for money.” 

Obviously, this definition is pretty clear, and to my knowledge the only place you can legally hire a prostitute in the United States is in certain areas of Nevada. However, think about this definition. I want to know what makes pornography legal to be (1) globally consumed and (2) produced in areas like Los Angeles and Miami.

I’m pretty confident in my assumption that the girls (and guys) who do porn, aren’t doing it for free. They are participating in “the act or practice of engaging in sexual intercourse for money”. Thus, shouldn’t pornography be illegal to make? If not, then I’ve found a pretty big loophole around the legal problem of prostitution. If I ever want to hire a prostitute, I’ll make sure I have a video camera and tape it, that way we’re simply making a pornographic film and it’ll be all legal. It’ll be something like what the guys over at BangBus make….“reality porn”.

Anyways, this whole issue has been something that has peaked my curiosity for a while, and I haven’t been able to find any decent information on the subject over the Internet. If you know more about this topic or can provide a legal perspective, please do, as I’d like to know…exactly what is the difference between pornography and prostitution.

And Again

Well at least this time I made it more than a whole day before I succumbed to my temptation. Really, it’s just because it is so darn accessible. I mean, it takes less than five seconds and I’m watching a brand new, high quality porn being streamed off of the Internet for free. Well I guess it’s time to start the counter over again. I know that I can go for a long amount of time without looking at porn (as I have done it before) but not nearly as long without masturbating. Anyways, time to give it another go.

Accountability

I suppose it’s easier to tell the whole world (and a bunch of strangers) that I did not last even a day in my attempts to not look at porn. The house was empty, I was bored, and it happened. That’s a big difference in what the Internet can do; porn is available 24/7, which wasn’t the case twenty years ago or for any generation of people previous to my own.

Time to turn the counter back and try again. Hopefully my attempts at getting to the gym more will drain the desire to masturbate from me.

My Computer Runs Better…

Because today I officially delete all of my porn. Going through and organizing my computer files, I found some old stuff I didn’t know that I even had. Anyways, there’s nothing monumental to report, but I thought that I’d lay it out there and publically announce this day and step in my life, so that I can keep track of my milestones, anniversaries, etc.

Time to be productive and then have some fun.

Cutting The Cord

It’s something I’ve been meaning to do for a while now…that is, get rid of all of my porn. I’ve done this sort of thing before, but it is so damn easy to be drawn back in and get new material off the Internet. Now there are even sites that are like a porn version of YouTube, meaning I have to resist the temptation even harder.

Anyways, this time I’m going cold turkey and I’m doing it for good. Right now, I have 1064 videos on my hard drive, many DVD-quality, which is taking up more than 175 GB of space! That’s just crazy in my opinion, and only goes to reiterate the fact that I have some sort of problem with porn, whether it’s addiction or rather just a compulsion. They say anything in moderation is okay,  but that is clearly not the case here.

So here I go and wish me good luck. Hopefully I can resist any temptations to fall back into old habits and be mentally strong enough to spend my new time and energy doing more productive things.

At Least I Think It’s Real…

What defines an “addiction”? Is it a chemical dependence that the body physically craves, or is it merely an obsessive compulsion, such as could be said for activities such as eating or running? Regardless, the more I look into it, I believe that pornography addiction is a legitimate condition, primarily because it is something that I have been struggling with for the majority of my life.

Pornography has served as a crutch that I’ve come back to again and again, even though it does nothing to increase the quality of my life; quite the contrary, my use of pornography has led to some very negative results in my life, including the loss of several friends.

A while back, some people came to my college to talk about the dangers of pornography addiction. I attended just to see what it was about; although I knew used pornography more than an average person, I couldn’t put much stock into this group’s message…and there was a reason. The second half of the presentation was essentially a video of people confessing about how their conversion to Christianity “saved them”.

Now, I know that religion can be a very powerful concept, but I’m an atheist and have been my entire life. Instead of using pornography as a platform to push my religious beliefs, I’ll be keeping a log of my life, thoughts and realizations…at least the ones in some way related to how pornography has intersected my life…in order to help my own healing and promote the very real condition that I believe pornography addiction to be.